Jack Dark, Space Assassin

(Ralph Covert -Waterdog Music / ASCAP)

He whipped his micro-polyphonic laser pistol out
And blew away the evil cyborg from Alpha Centauri
     (Alpha Centauri)
He jumped into his waiting space ship
Blasted off at the speed of light
Itís a wicked wicked universe but Jack Dark always does alright

Heís in orbit Ďround the second moon
Of a fiery planet called Hellís Bath
Going down to drink his fill in the bars and brothels
    (bars and brothels)
He stands seven two and his eyes of blue
Are as striking as his skin of green
He smiles as sweet as whiskey
But heís really just a death machine

Well Agamemnon the Martian Dwarf
Smuggled drugs in his turbo-spacer
With his body-odor bodyguard Billy the Camel
     (Billy the Camel)
When Jack Dark walked into the room
Agamemnon was waiting there
Took one last shot of ethyl-methyl-gin and drew his gun


Is this the end for Jack Dark the space assassin?
Secret agent of the interplanetary wars
Is this the end for Jack Dark the true crusader?
Darling of the ladies all the way to Sirius Four
Jack Dark

As Agamemnon raised his laser pistol for the kill
Jack Dark smashed him to the floor
Like a watermelon (a watermelon)
Billy the Camel turned and ran like thunder through the door
Leaving behind the smell of rotting fish and apples

There was drinking to be done after the barmaid mopped the mess
There was a rendezvous with an agent
Who had secret orders (secret orders)
In a hieroglyphic drug-induced kaleidoscopic trance
He lit a syntho-cigarette and did a funky lunar dance

Shiva was a goddess who had ruled upon the Nile
She had seven breasts and fourteen arms and a movie actress smile
When Jack Dark started dancing she said ďItís my wedding day!Ē
And with fourteen arms and seven breasts she carried him away


In a zero-gravity waterbed with a quadrophonic whale quartet
He unslung his long green love machine for
The golden goddess (the golden goddess)
As Shiva came old Billy the Camel burst in with a dozen thugs
But Jack Dark shot Ďem with one hand
While he was taking Shiva there again
Duty called he had a secret mission to fulfill
He tipped his hat and tucked her in
And stepped over the bodies (over the bodies)
With a flash of sulphur smoke his spaceship shot into the night
Itís a wicked wicked universe but Jack Dark always does alright ...